DEFENDING THE CAVEMAN

Victor Bloom MD

Rob Becker just used to be a funny guy. He would just tell stories and his family and friends would howl. Eventually, he began performing as a standup comic in 1981. His friends and family convinced him to take the show on the road. He called it "Defending the Caveman" as he felt that modern man was being attacked and downgraded, unfairly. Men were called louses and turkeys and worse. He thought it was a bad rap, so for three years, from 1988 to 1991, he made an informal study of anthropology, pre-history, psychology, sociology and mythology. He also studied dramatic structure and playwrighting. He decided that man was a misunderstood animal. Exactly how and why and what could be done about it became the substance of his one-man show.

It first played in San Francisco in 1991 and enjoyed extended sold-out runs in San Francisco, Dallas, Philadelphia, Chicago and Washington DC,Rolex Replica Watches prior to opening on Broadway. It opened there March 26, 1995 and became the longest running solo one man show in Broadway history. Why haven't we heard about it? He doesn't advertise! He distributes free tickets to area therapists, and from there on, it is all word-of-mouth! Therapists who are humble enough to consider the possibility that some 'entertainment' can be therapeutic, urge their patients or clients to go see the show and then talk about their thoughts and feelings. It was a good idea!

Rob Becker onstage is the penultimate caveman. He has a stone TV set and his underwear is strewn about willy-nilly. When he's choosing underwear shorts for the day, he smells them and finds one that doesn't knock him over. Body odors are not alien to him. He is into the world of pheromones and musk. But most of all, he makes clear--- He is HUNTER. She is GATHERER. The uninterrupted hour and a half is witty and profound, as he takes off on the dichotomy of hunter and gatherer. I took silent pleasure in the fact that I have come to similar conclusions in my work, but since I am not a comic or playwright, I happily let Rob Becker speak for me.

The HUNTER, in order to fell his prey, and provide food for the table, must focus and be single-minded in his concentration. He looks through his blow-hole or down his spear and he is not distracted by anything. He is goal-directed for survival. These survival traits linger. That is why, according to Becker, that when a guy is watching TV, he does not hear his mate talking to him. She, mistakenly, takes it personally and feels rejected, unimportant. Then she gets on his case about it. He begins to think she is always on his case for nothing. She wonders what kind of a creature she married. Single-mindedly, his goal was to get a mate.

The GATHERER has an opposite kind of perception. The cave woman must find fruits and vegetables, berries, nuts and roots. She has to be aware of colors and shapes all around her to find what she wants. So this type of perception explains SHOPPING, and why most men don't relate to it. A modern woman likes to look over a thousand dresses in order to pick one. A modern man likes to go into a store to buy one thing, and then leave as quickly as possible, so as not to waste time. He doesn't like extended shopping visits with his mate because there is no prey in the store, except for an occasional pretty girl.

At home in the cave, the caveman is thinking about his next hunt, and worried that yet another wooly mammoth will get away. He is thinking about how to get the other guys to surround the beast. She is talking about decorating the cave and keeping it neat. He ignores her. Does she feel rejected? Is she at him for leaving his spear in sight instead of storing it in the spear cabinet? Or is she glad he is skilled at using his spear? Still, in his spare time he does a cave painting to please her.

Another important dichotomy that Becker uses to show the difference in styles of communication between males and females is the bowl of chips. When the bowl gets low, all five women take it into the kitchen to be refilled, where they continue their talk. It's called, 'cooperation.' When the bowl gets low in the male section, what happens is called, 'negotiation.' One guy says he bought the chips, another guy says it's his bowl, another guy says they used his car to buy the chips, and eventually one guy gets elected to refill the bowl. There is a minimum of talk. Guys relate by not talking. They are masters of nonverbal communication. They grunt or whine, look intently and employ body language. Becker is a master of body language. In his movements and looks he has captured the image of what our prehistoric stone age ancestors must have been like. We see them today, dressed in suits.

When you understand his reasoning, many everyday situations become understandable. Take the old saw about getting lost and asking for directions. He wants to keep on driving and she wants to stop and ask directions. Her approach is more 'logical', but he is focused on the goal. He thinks he knows where he is going and how to get there. He does not want any distractions. Stopping and getting directions would be a distraction. He survived because of goal-directed tunnel-vision, and he is not likely to give it up.

The point is, that having defended the caveman, Becker is asking women to understand and appreciate their men. Why did they ever think their men did not have stone age roots? Women have their stone age roots too!

Dr. Bloom is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Wayne State University School of Medicine. He is a member of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and he welcomes comments and questions at his e-mail address: vbloom@comcast.net.