MOURNING JFK JR AND PRINCESS DI

Victor Bloom MD

The biggest stumbling block in life is death. We fear it, we try to avoid it, we try to postpone it, we don't like the whole idea of it. Existentialist writers put forth an attitude that life is a joke, because in the end we are nothing, a mere speck in the universe, no matter how well we may think of ourselves or others think of us, no matter what good works we have done, no matter how glorious or pious.

We die, and then we are no more. The primitive part of us cannot stand this elemental truth. Death is a mortification, not only to the flesh, but to our whole narcissistic (self-loving) part of our mind. Perhaps we are the only creature that can contemplate our eventual death. We learn about it at an early age and keep learning more as we mourn our loved ones, the numbers increasing with age, over a lifetime.

Many adults take great pains to stay healthy, to do things that make them look young and feel young. Women have skin creams and facials and cosmetic surgery while men get hair transplants and try to keep in shape. The shape of youth is slim and lithe. And so we have a profusion of health clubs, with people running , pumping iron and sweating profusely. The hope is, beyond staying healthy, that they will live long and look young.

Death is so fearsome, that the Egyptian pharoahs had great mausoleoms built, what we know now as the pyramids. In it were his retinue and necessary implements, as if sure of another life. The process of mummification was to prevent the body's disintegration. In China a great emperor willed that an entire terra cotta army be created, to defend him against evil forces in the next world. No matter, his body would decompose like any other.

These ways of dealing with death are all aspects of the survival instinct. Like every other animal there is a will to live, to survive, to preserve one's life if at all possible. One of my favorite nature photographs is that of a leopard just about to pounce on a baboon. The baboon turns to face the leopard with the most fearsome display of teeth, back hair up, seeming both angry and terrified at the same time, but it is his last few seconds of life. He does not lay down and offer himself up.

Whoever is faced with death, his or her own, or that of a loved one, is looking for comfort and solace. The greatest of these is religion. The religions of western civilization teach of a heaven and hell, an afterlife that is eternal. The great religions of the east teach reincarnation, in which a human soul can be reborn as an animal or achieve a higher plane. All the comforts of religion imply a denial of death. There is no death, there is only death of the body; the soul leaves the body and goes somewhere. Somewhere is better than nowhere.

Recently the country has been mourning the tragic death of a young prince. I say this advisedly, because the Kennedy family has assumed a symbolic royalty because of its history, which is full of fame, fortune and charisma. They are attractive people, charming, creative, full of life. And yet the drama of the family has been marked with tragedy, and so the characters are larger than life. We want to identify with them. They are our family, just as the royal family in England is the Brit's family. And we are all joined by a global communication network, and so all their events, their trials and tribulations, are ours. We elevate ourselves by identifying with the great and near-great. Somehow, great people don't really die; we never stop talking about them. If they go down in history, they will never be forgotten.

But of course, we are all forgotten, but we can't stand the fact. And so the next best thing is never to forget the deceased. And so we hope we will not be forgotten. We dwell on the details of the funeral procession, the music, the flowers, the eulogies. We wonder what will be said about us, how long we will be remembered. We want it to be as long as possible.

We do to others what we would have others do to us. Perhaps that is the reason why millions bring flowers and notes. Flowers and notes were the common denominators of the mourning of millions for stars who have prematurely terminated their presence on this earth. We mourn our own eventual demise. Deep down, every tragic death is our own.

We wonder why they take chances. This is part of their glory, a seeming imperviousness to death. But some take unnecessary chances with a defense called--- 'counter-phobic.' To be afraid of death is to avoid risk as much as possible. To be counter-phobic is to tempt fate, to play Russian Roulette. Each time the risk is passed, there is a new but temporary surge of confidence, but the gun is loaded, and it is just a matter of time before the cartridge is in the upper chamber and the protagonist pulls the trigger.

Dr Bloom is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Wayne State University School of Medicine. He is a member of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and on the editorial board of the Wayne County Medical Society. He welcomes comments at his email address--- vbloom@comcast.net.