GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE--- DATE-RAPE

Victor Bloom MD

My previous columns on going away to college involved encouraging parents and departing young adults to have some serious talks about customs, values, standards, ethics, morals. Going away to school for a higher education is a most significant maturational-developmental step. Hopefully, the would-be freshperson is prepared to be more independent and accept more responsibility than before.

College campuses are no longer in 'loco parentis'. The university administration has little power to prevent things from getting out of hand. There are drunken parties and experiments with drugs that lead to abuse. There are sexual exploits which may lead to drastic consequences. Ever since the sixties, young people have been testing limits more than ever, rather than constrain themselves within appropriate limits. And so bad things can happen. That is life. We hope we have adequately prepared our grown children to cope with life, life as it is, not life as we would wish it to be.

One of the issues of college age men and women today is date-rape. I doubt whether this issue is much talked about at home because sex is a touchy subject, especially so between close relatives. Children tend to de-sexualize their parents and parents tend to de-sexualize their children. Denial, avoidance, repression. It is only natural for parents and children, especially in our Western Civilization, to feel uncomfortable talking about sex. We naturally want to avoid 'unnatural' tendencies floating to the surface.

Parents can assume some responsibility for imparting common sense and good values to their offspring going away for the first time to college. On the subject of date-rape, Camille Paglia, a libertarian-conservative feminist, has much to say in her fine book, "Sex, Art, and American Culture."

In it, she says, "To understand rape, you must study the past. There never was and never will be sexual harmony. Every woman must take responsibility for her sexuality, which is nature's red flame. She must be prudent and cautious and where she goes and with whom. When she makes a mistake, she must accept the consequences and, through self-criticism, resolve never to make that mistake again. Running to Mommy and Daddy on the campus grievance committee is unworthy of strong women. Posting lists of guilty men in the toilet is cowardly, infantile stuff."

She goes on, "The Italian philosophy of life espouses high-energy confrontation. A male student makes a vulgar remark about your breasts? Don't slink off to whimper and simper with the campus shrinking violets. Deal with it. On the spot. Say, "Shut up you jerk! And crawl back to the barnyard where you belong!" In general, women who project this take-charge attitude toward life get harassed less often. I see too many dopey, immature, self-pitying women walking around like melting sticks of butter. It's the Yvette Mimieux syndrome: make me happy. And listen to me weep when I'm not."

Men can do much to de-fuse a situation in which a woman is being harrassed or about to be raped. Group gang loyalty must come second to preventing harm to another person. That woman is somebody's daughter or sister.

As for the role of the colleges, Paglia has this to say, "The date-rape debate is already smothering in propaganda churned out by the expensive Northeastern colleges and universities, with their concentration of boring, uptight academic feminists and spoiled, affluent students. Beware the manipulation of rich students who were neglected by their parents. They love to turn the campus into hysterical psychodramas of sexual transgression, followed by assertions of parental authority and concern. And don't look for sexual enlightenment from academe, which spews out mountains of books but never looks at life directly."

She gives her bias and background bluntly, "As a fan of football and rock music, I see in the simple swaggering masculinity of the jock and in the noisy posturing of the heavy-metal guitarist certain fundamental, unchanging truths about sex. Masculinity is aggressive, unstable, combustible. It is also the most creative force in history. Women must reorient themselves toward the elemental powers of sex, which can strengthen or destroy."

"The only solution to date rape is female self-awareness and self-control. A woman's number one line of defense is herself. When a real rape occurs, she should report it to the police. Complaining to college commitees because the courts 'take too long' is ridiculous. College administrations are not a branch of the judiciary. They are not equipped or trained for legal inquiry. Colleges must alert incoming students to the problems and dangers of adulthood. Then colleges must stand back and get out of the sex game."

Although Paglia has concentrated on the responsibility of the woman, I am sure she would agree that men should be equally responsible for controlling their instincts. How they do this is a sure sign of character, and will add up to the reputation of that person for the rest of his life.

Dr Bloom is Clinical Associate Professor of Psychiatry, Wayne State University School of Medicine. He is a member of the American Academy of Psychoanalysis and on the editorial board of the Wayne County Medical Society. He welcomes comments at his email address--- vbloom@comcast.net.