LITTLE BLACK THERAPIST

I just heard an amazing story that bears retelling, because in it is the hope of the future. I know a school social worker who is a particularly skilled and dedicated worker. The worst problems in the school system end up on her doorstep because she has a reputation as a problem-solver. It could be that many years of therapy with a gifted therapist has something to do with it, but that is beside the point for now.

This time the kid that was placed on her doorstep was an incorrigible one who had done the worst thing. He beat up another kid so badly that the victim was unconscious and spent a week in the hospital. Turns out he's OK, but the school didn't want the offender back. No other school wanted him either, so they had to take him back and that's how he ended up in Doris' office (that's not her real name.) She said, "I can work with him." That's what she always says.

Taking a history, she determined that he was an orphan, eventually winding up with his grandmother, where he was routinely beat up by white kids because he was black. He had also been abused and neglected, an old story, too often repeated. Grandma couldn't take care of him any longer in Georgia, so he was sent up north to be with cousins and a caring aunt. What happened before the fight was that the other boy was bullying him, taunting and teasing him, calling him 'nigger' and so our boy beat the hell out of him, probably from pent-up rage. He didn't mean to knock him unconscious and pound on him for good measure, but there it was, the bully was unconscious, nothing broken, but he probably learned a lesson.

Let's call our boy Aerick so that his name has some distinction and will be remembered. Aerick told the Doris that when you are attacked you are entitled to fight back. The social worker tried to explain about undue violence and overkill, but Aerick at first refused to make the distinction between massive retaliation and self-defense. How did he learn to be so effectively aggressive? Maybe it was at Joe Dumar's gym, where the boy got some extra guidance in basketball. Joe Dumar is a retired Detroit Piston who has a clinic for promising basketball players. Ayerick was one of those. Doris also saw that Aerick was smart and had good grades, but he obviously didn't suffer fools gladly.

Aerrick accepted the prospect of seeing Doris once a week for counselling as a condition to be let back into school. He did very well for awhile but was again sent to the principal's office and then to Doris because he bad-mouthed a teacher. He told Doris that the teacher did some dumb things and he was only telling her off, but the social worker explained how you had to let things go sometimes, especially if it was the teacher. Aerick seemed to understand quite well. Doris got a little analytic and asked Aerick why he might have been particularly testy that day.

He looked her in the eye said, "you cancelled my appointment last week!" Doris explained that it was a teacher's conference and she couldn't get out of it. She quickly realized that Aerick deserved an explanation for this neglectful and inconsiderate cancellation and that he was angry with her! She tried to explain the situation in a way that was apologetic and empathic and he seemed satisfied.

Just then a secretary bounded into the office and said another kid was raising a ruckus. Doris excused herself and said she had to go. Aerick asked if he could come along; this was still his hour. The kid was having a meltdown and was screaming loudly. Aerick said "Let me handle this."

He knelt down beside the chair that the screaming kid was occupying and quietly put his hand on the boy's arm and started talking in a low voice. The younger boy quickly quieted down and Doris heard Aerick talking to the screamer like she had talked to him.

The accompanying secretary had a small digital camera and quickly took a picture of the scene, Aerick kneeling by the boy who was still sulking and had his arms wrapped around his chest like he was in a strait-jacket. Both boys were black. The white teachers seemed, at that moment, superfluous. The secretary quickly printed the picture and gave it to Doris, who in turn, back in her office, showed it to Aerick, and Aerick started to cry. Doris started to cry.

At their next session, a week later, she presented a copy of the color photo, framed, to Aerick, who looked at it with pride and took it home to his aunt, who, upon seeing it, cried.

This is the way things are supposed to be, I thought. It hardly ever happens.